it’s always sunny in philadelphia sentence starters!

suspendedingaffas:

❝ Could we not base our decisions on what does and doesn’t happen in episodes of Scooby-Doo? ❞
❝ Look at me, psychological damage up to here! ❞
❝ I have contained my rage for as long as possible, but I shall unleash my fury upon you like the crashing of a thousand waves! ❞
❝ Am I gay for God? You betcha. ❞
❝ Be gone, vile man! Be gone from me! ❞
❝ Well first of all, through God all things are possible, so jot that down. ❞
❝ Yeah, but we didn’t come here to play with  stray dogs and trash, man. ❞
❝ Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze into a job cannon and fire off into job land where jobs grow on jobbies?! ❞
❝ I’m eating because I’m very uncomfortable. ❞
❝ I’m gonna have a really hard time if we’re both cannibals and racists. ❞
❝ I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong. ❞
❝ Everybody’s dying, bitch. Let’s get you some fruit. ❞
❝ When I’m dead, just throw me in the trash. ❞
❝ I will smack your face off of your face! ❞
❝ Take care of yourself… or whatever people say. ❞
❝ We all have cats we’d like to be playing with right now. ❞
❝ I will eat your babies, bitch! ❞
❝ I’m relaxing, I’m getting blackout drunk, and you’re leaving me alone. ❞
❝ Later, boners! ❞
❝ Do not call these shorts white trash! ❞
❝ If some old boner gives me attitude, I’m gonna spit in his face. ❞
❝ I eat stickers all the time, dude! ❞
❝ I’ve got the stride of a gazelle. A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person. ❞
❝ You know, you light one bitch on fire and everyone freaks out! ❞
❝ Cats do not abide by the laws of nature, you don’t know shit about cats. ❞
❝ If you don’t have car insurance, you better have dental, because I am going to smash your teeth into dust! ❞
❝ I can go from flaccid to erect in a moment’s notice. ❞
❝ I mean, trees? Everywhere trees?! What the hell is this place? ❞
❝ I’ll tell you what’s not cool: crashing my car into a building, exploding a grenade inside of it, and then convincing your friends and family that you’re dead! ❞
❝ Oh my God! She just ate an entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy! ❞
❝ Hello fellow American, this you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I’m hot. Taxes, they’ll be lower… son. The democratic vote is the right thing to do, so do. ❞
❝ I stepped in front of a bus and it missed me. I can’t even get a bus to hit on me. ❞
❝ I’m having feelings again, like some kind of fourteen year old kid or something. ❞
❝ I don’t think these dogs have masters, I think they play by their own rules. ❞
❝ I have a bleached asshole! ❞
❝ With real power comes real responsibility and I don’t want to do any of that shit. I just want the money… and the illusion of power. ❞